Forgiveness After Infidelity - What forgiveness looks like

View PDF | Print View
by: LorensaPeltser
Total views: 0
Word Count: 376
Date: Sat, 29 Jan 2011 Time: 8:37 AM
0 comments

Forgiveness Acknowledges the Hurt. Some people believe that forgiveness means pretending that the breach of trust did not hurt. Failing to acknowledge the sadness of your better half's extramarital affair is like hurting from a toothache but refusing to go to the dentist. You need to confess to yourself and to your spouse that you are aching. Being sincere about your pain may be just the inspiration your partner needs to participate in the healing. During the confrontation you must declare in no uncertain terms that your spouse's unfaithfulness had depressed you intensely, possibly irreparably. By admitting that you are hurt, you are in a position to exercise forgiveness.

Forgiveness Releases the Offense and the Offender. This will of course take a bit of time. Questions need to be asked and answered honestly. Emotions need to be experienced and expressed honestly. This will not come about overnight but in time you will be able to forgive. Does your spouse have the right to forgiveness? Maybe or maybe not. Will it be easy? No, it will be gut-wrenching. Absolving your partner means opting not to chastise him or her, not to seek revenge, either forthrightly or secretly and not to command payback for what he or she did. You will reap an immense payoff when you let your spouse of the hook and both you and your spouse are the recipients.

Forgiveness Relinquishes Resentment. Resentment is an internal monster that roars nasty suggestions like, "Get back at him/her" or "Don't ever forget what he/she did to you". In order to let go of the transgression, you must let go of the resentment. Resentment feeds hate and it will prevent you from healing. It weakens our sense of understanding and undermines the healing of our hearts.

Forgiveness Is an Act of Grace. Forgiveness is fundamentally an exercise of grace, a gift of love. You can't work for grace. You can't jump through the right hoops to earn it. You can't polish your performance in order to lay claim to it. Grace is just a gift. Forgiveness means giving your partner a second chance, not because he or she deserves it, but because you choose to extend grace to your partner.

About the Author

If you don't know how to forgive your spouse and you want to learn more about how to heal after the affair then please visit www.healyourmarriage.info for a free 21-step Spontaneous Healing Plan on how to survive an affair.